The Professor and The Knight: The Really Big Book
by Professer James
Summary: Dang! It's cold! When The Professor said we should check out the dig site for the Book of Knowledge, I didn't think it would be in the Arctic.I wasn't made for the cold!... Is that a Minotaur?... Holy!-
1. Prologue

Prologue.

An older man sat at his desk, pouring over the mess of papers strewn all over. He ran a hand through his long, white hair, and sighed. There would be no resting tonight. He was so close to finding IT… the artifact he had been searching for for years … The Book of Knowledge.

"Let's have another look…" He mumbled to himself.

Once again he began carefully inspecting each and every piece of paper on his desk, looking desperately for the smallest clue… even the smallest. It had been like this for years now, looking for clues like this… clues leading to the location of the book. His search, it seemed, had hit a brick wall.

And now, that wall had broken.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

The man left his chair and headed for the door.

"Who is it?" He asked, looking through the peephole.

Outside, and extremely tall man waited by the door. He wore a large hat, as well as a long cloak covering his body all the way to the floor.

"Professor Macable?" Asked the man. His voice was low, calm, and smooth, like a peaceful stream.

"Who wants to know?" Responded Macable.

The man reached into his cloak. "I have a request." He said. "In exchange for some information, I would like you to search for something…. May I come in?"

Macable unlatched the door and opened it. The stranger stepped through.

"What kind of information?" Asked Macable.

The man took a piece of paper out of his cloak and handed it to Macable. "Please read this…"

"This… This is… Where did you get this?!" Asked Macable, astounded.

"Things come and things go." Replied the stranger. "If I am correct, this is the final clue you need to find the artifact you are looking for at this moment, yes?"

Macable raised an eyebrow. "Who are you who know so much about my affairs?"

The tall man smirked. "You think you have been keeping this secret well, professor, but someone has been leaking information. News of your search is all over the internet... Perhaps you should get a computer to keep track."

Macable cursed under his breath. "I'll have to start right away then." He said. "Every country in the world will be after this book… What did you want in exchange for this again?"

The tall man handed him a piece of paper. "This is my number. Call me when you have found your Book of Knowledge, professor."

The man quietly left, leaving Macable standing in his doorway, astounded at what had just happened. A man had just entered his apartment, handed him a piece of paper that solved all his problems, then left. Just like that.

Never in 30 years of being in this business had he experienced something like that.

Never in 30 years of being in this business had he been so lucky.


	2. Recap

Hey there boys and girls! Sir Kay here!...

…What do you mean " you don't know who I am?" Oh, right! I guess you wouldn't… Let's recap, okay?…

Me and my friend Professor James used to be just normal human teenagers, but one day, while at our town's park, we found this odd, abandoned shack. When we looked into it, we were astounded! It was bigger on the inside! One thing led to another, which led to the two of us opening up a couple of fob watches… bing, bang, boom! Suddenly we're immortal aliens with two hearts apiece, not to mention IQ's off human charts.

So we decide to fix the TARDIS, you know, the shack that was bigger on the inside? Yeah… It turned out to be a time and space machine... We decided to fix it, which, eventually we did, and to travel around in it.

We ran into this guy called The Doctor at our first stop… He's like us, but he's been an alien since birth… I mean, he was born that way… oh, you know what I'm saying… Anyways, he's got more experience than us, with time traveling, I mean. 886 years more experience to be exact… What I'm getting at, is that he laid some ground rules for us, gave a couple threats, then let us loose… weird right?

So now we travel, The Professor and me, him with his Sonic Screwdriver, I with my Sonic Gun…Pretty cool right?

Sorry I'm rushing this… I'm not exactly happy right now…

You see, after all that, with all of time and space to see, our TARDIS has broken down… AGAIN…


	3. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: You can find ANYTHING on Google.

Sir Kay fiddled with the controls on the TARDIS. He had always been impatient, but this… This was plain ridiculous.

"Aha!... no wait… Aha!"

Sir Kay turned in time to see his friend Professor James poke his head up through the floor boards.

"One last rewiring bug" Said The Professor. "Vortex manipulating gyrothrusters were wired backwards… Reminds me of this time when a friend of mine was setting up lighting on a stage and couldn't figure out why the lightboard wasn't working right. You see, he had the board plugged in backwards! I'm telling you, the things he tried before he finally figured it out-"

"Yeah, got it." Said Sir Kay impatiently. "Are we ready? Let's go already!"

"Sheesh! So impatient!" Said The Professor.

"Aren't you?" Asked Sir Kay. "We can go almost anywhere in all of time and space! But instead, we're listening to you tell us about how a friend of yours made some stupid mistake that probably no one remembers except for you! C'mon! Let's go!"

"Alright… where to?" Asked The Professor.

Sir Kay paused. This was the drawback to being impatient… not always thinking things all the way through…

"… Heh heh heh…" Snickered The Professor.

"Oh shut up." Sir Kay grinned. "You got any ideas?"

"Yeah!" Replied The Professor. "Let's Google it!"

The Professor pulled the monitor attached to the TARDIS's console over to him and began typing on the attached keyboard.

"…Are you serious?" Said Sir Kay. "You want to Google places to go?"

The Professor looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "You can find ANYTHING on Google, Kay." He Said. "Especially when you have Google from every time period."

Sir Kay shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat." He said.

"In this case, it actually flies my TARDIS." The Professor retorted.

"Our TARDIS." Said Sir Kay. "Now come on man! Google! Google for your life!"

The Professor grinned. "Alright."

He began wildly tapping on the keyboard. Odd, future versions of Google sailed across the screen, along with more pop ups than you could buzz a Sonic Screwdriver at… Yet The Professor kept going…

Suddenly, he stopped.

"Oooh." He said. "This looks interesting."

Sir Kay looked at the screen. "The Book of Knowledge?" He asked.

The Professor nodded. "Says here, in the 2020 version of Google, that one Professor Nicholas Macable, expert of mythological and legendary artifact studies as well as pioneer to many mythological theories is looking for one "Book of Knowledge". Kind of obvious what it does, so I won't go into details."

"It makes someone smarter?" Asked Sir Kay. "Why is that interesting? We're smart enough as it is!"

"I doesn't just make someone smarter." Said the Professor. "It supposedly unleashes the ninety percent of the brain a human doesn't normally use. That much brain power could let someone interact outside of the dimensions of reality. They could probably bend reality as they saw fit!"

"Now that's something interesting enough to waste our time on." Said Sir Kay. "But how do we know it's the real deal?"

The Professor pointed to the bottom left corner of the screen. A logo of hexagons shaping a T could be seen.

"The Doctor said to keep an eye out for that logo." He said. "Torchweed… no… Tackwood… Torchwood! Yeah! He said they're the real deal."

"Good enough for me." Said Sir Kay. "Where is Macable looking for the book?"

"… The Arctic, it would seem."

"Oh come on! Why is everything that's secret and powerful hidden in some frozen wasteland?" Asked Sir Kay.

"Only in movies and novels." Replied The Professor. "Makes sense though. The only place an ancient book wouldn't disintegrate… freeze it, and it's good for eons."

"Right then… So!.. Shall we check it out?" Asked Sir Kay.

"Yeah… let's do that!… ooh! A Fanfic website!"

"Let's go you nerd."

"…Uh… oh! Yeah!"

The Professor pushed the monitor away as the two Timelords sprang into action, pressing buttons, pulling levers and turning knobs on the center console. The TARDIS sprang to life, and began, once again to move through the Time Vortex.

"What's the plan when we get there?" Said Sir Kay over the noise of the TARDIS.

"I dunno… Let's wing it! See what happens!" Replied The Professor.

Sir Kay grinned, and the TARDIS headed for The Arctic, 2020.


	4. Chapter 2

Chapter 2. The Californian Honorary Institute of the Mythological Expertise Research Association

The Professor poked his head out the door of the TARDIS.

"…Ooh! … I think I need a jacket."

Sir Kay stuck his head out the door as The Professor put on his suit jacket. "It's not so bad." He remarked.

"That's just cuz you gots lots of body fat." The Professor joked.

Sir Kay's mouth snapped into a frown. "Ha, ha." He said. "Now… shall we go?"

The Professor grabbed a briefcase sitting by the door. "Ready." He said.

The pair left the warm insides of the TARDIS. They locked the door and headed in the direction… the direction…

"… Which way are we going?" Asked Sir Kay.

"… The expedition should be just over this hill." Replied The Professor. "We need to come up with a good story as to who we are, though. They're not just gonna let anyone take a look."

"Okay… You're an observer from… some institute of mythological affairs." Said Sir Kay. "I'm your… brave and handsome escort."

"I'll ignore the last part." Said The Professor. "That should work well enough… I'll just show him the psychic paper if he gets suspicious."

The psychic paper was a little invention The Doctor had showed the two how to create. It was a blank piece of paper that basically said whatever the person being shown it thought it said. All that either Timelord had to do was give a little… suggestion here or there.

"Ah! Th-th-th-there it is-s-s-s!" Shuddered The Professor. Just over the frozen, snow covered hill was a small camp.

"D-d-d-dang! It-t-t's c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c"

"…Frigid?"

"Y-y-y-yeah…" Said Sir Kay.

The two stumbled down the hill into the camp. No one was around… perhaps, they were all… excavating? Or maybe they were asleep?

"Hmmm… no one's round." Said The Professor. "I wonder if-"

A man stepped out from behind a tent, pointing a revolver at the Timelords. "You too!" Yelled the man. "Hands up!"

"…Everywhere we go…" Said Sir Kay, raising his hands.

"Hi! Sorry!" Said The Professor. "Can I just… show you my identification? I'm Professor James West of the Californian Honorary Institute of the Mythological Expertise Research Association."

"The… California Honorary Institute of the WHAT?" Asked the man. He did not lower the gun.

"The Californian Honorary Institute of the Mythological Expertise Research Association!" Said The Professor. "CHIMERA for short."

Sir Kay just rolled his eyes.

"Here." Said The Professor, pulling the psychic paper from his pocket. "My c-c-c-credentials."

The man snatched the paper from The Professor and read it. Suddenly his expression changed.

"Oh! Thank goodness! You're the observer I asked for!" Laughed the man. "I'm surprised! Torchwood sent you very quickly!" He finally lowered his weapon.

"Right! Yes! Exactly!" Said The Professor. "…Can we, like, go inside or something…?"

"Oh! Of course!" Said the man. "You are from California, after all. Come in! Come in!

The threesome ran inside one of the tents. It was nice and quaint on the inside, with a pile of clothes in the corner, and papers everywhere.

The most important thing was that the tent was warm.

"Much better…" Said Sir Kay, brushing snow off his jacket.

"Yes of course!" Said the man. He was an older man of medium height, probably in his sixties, with long white hair, and lively eyes. "I am Professor Nicholas Macable. I'm sure you were briefed about me, and the expedition before you left, hmm?"

"Yeah… well… not so much on the expedition." Said The Professor.

"Right…" Said Professor Macable. He looked at Sir Kay. "Can we trust him?"

"Hey now!" Said Sir Kay. "That's not-"

"He's from CHIMERA as well." Said The Professor quickly. "He's my advisor, as well as my trusted escort."

"Ah yes!" Said Professor Macable. "That's all fine then!"

"He grabbed a box of papers from under a table and plopped them in front of the Timelords. "The Book of Knowledge is an artifact I've been searching for ten years. According to legend, The Book was given to The Master Magician of Camelot, Merlin, by God for humans to use to bring the world out of the Dark Ages and into a new era of prosperity. However, Merlin deemed the people of the world at that time not ready for it, so he hid it, to keep any mortal from finding it, for the knowledge in the book was so great that if you didn't die from the information being shoved into your brain, then you would be so intelligent that you could manipulate the laws of physics."

"Yes, I see." Said The Professor. "So he hid it to keep anyone who would use it for their own nefarious schemes from finding it?"

"Correct." Replied Macable. "However, he left himself a trail back to the book, which, I must say, is very curious indeed."

"Yeah," Said Sir Kay. "Why would someone leave clues to find something that they're trying to hide?"

"Maybe they were afraid they'd forget where it was." Said The Professor.

"Regardless." Said Macable. "I have been following the bread crumbs for ten years… I thought I had run into a brick wall a couple months ago… The trail had ended. But then, A man appeared at my apartment, and gave me some information that finally led me to this exact latitude and longitude."

"…Some guy appeared at your apartment and GAVE you the information you're basing your ENTIRE expedition on?!" Said The Professor, astounded.

"Don't take me for a fool Professor. I studied the information first, and found it to agree with everything I had discovered up to this point." Said Macable. "I must say though, I had a hard time believing it when it had just happened."

"Right… So! Where is the book?" Asked Sir Kay.

Macable gave him a look. "All in good time." He said. "I'm sure you have to report to Torchwood, but we haven't found anything yet. Also, I'm afraid I have some bad news."

He leaned closer to the two Timelords. "I'm afraid there is a traitor among my employees."

Sir Kay grinned. "Of course! Where would the fun be in just an old- fashioned expedition? No! You gotta have the one guy who's out to take the treasure for himself!"

"…Do you know who it is?" Said The Professor.

Macable shook his head. "No." He said. "I've narrowed it down to three men, but I'm not certain."

"What do you estimate is the amount of time it will take for you to find… whatever it is you think you'll find?" Asked The Professor.

"I am expecting to find a catacomb of some kind." Replied Macable. "I am also expecting out dig time to uncover it some time within the next twenty-four hours."

"Good. In the meantime… Sir Kay."

"Yes SIR!" Said Sir Kay in mock army fashion.

"Take a long walk off a short pier." Said The Professor, grinning. "Get serious! We're gonna have a talk with these "suspicious entities." Professor Macable, would you be kind enough to show us who these men are?"

"Of course." Replied Macable. "It is nighttime at the current moment, so there is no digging going on. Just the normal guard duty. They should be at the main quarters, I'll take you there."

"Nighttime huh…" Said Sir Kay. "How can you tell when it's what around here anyways?"

"You get used to it." Said Macable, smiling. "Now come! Come! Let me show you to the main quarters…"

The threesome left the tent and headed for a larger, metal building, barely visible through the blowing snow…


	5. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Detective Inspector Professor.

Professor Macable led the two Timelords into the main quarters. There were at least twenty men and women, all seated at tables, or wandering about. They were doing all sorts of things… eating, talking, playing cards… nothing that seemed out of the ordinary.

"Which men are the suspects?" The Professor quietly asked.

Macable casually gestured. "Marcus." He said, pointing to a muscular man playing cards at one of the tables.

"Nathan." He said, pointing, to a heavier man who was laughing loudly at another table

"And, Brady." He said, pointing to a young man seated by himself.

"I have found those three snooping around where they don't belong on different occasions, as well as doing things like taking photographs and drawing sketches of different areas of the dig site." Said Macable. He frowned. "This is a high security site. While all three of the men claimed either they didn't know, or that they got lost in the snow, etc, I have been keeping my eye on them…"

"Right… We can take care of that for you." Said The Professor. "…Introduce us as… medical men!... here to check up on the habits of your… employees. Say we are looking for any changes in behavior since being out in The Arctic, and that we are going to interview every one of them… Yeah, that should work."

Macable nodded, and headed towards the center of the room.

Sir Kay looked at the Professor. "Hey man, have you noticed that people seem to trust us really quickly all of the sudden?"

"Yeeeah..." Said The Professor. "I wonder if it's cause... you know..."

Macable got everyone's attention. "Excuse me!" He shouted.

The room became quiet.

Macable motioned towards the two Timelords. "This is Professor James and Sir Kay. They are medical consultants from Torchwood. They are here to study any behavior changes you might have from being isolated here for as long as you have been. If you would please listen to them for a minute…"

The Professor smiled at the silent group. "Hi! Sorry!" He grinned. "I'm Professor James West. This is my associate Sir Kay. I just need you all to form a line, and we'll interview you one by one… just a couple of questions…"

…FIVE HOURS LATER!!!

Sir Kay groaned. "…Son…of…a…"

The Professor elbowed him. "Look man, we got what we wanted. We managed to interview Marcus, Nathan, AND Brady."

"Whaddya mean: INTERVIEW?" Said Sir Kay. "You asked them their name, age, what they do in their spare time, and whether or not they like clams. CLAMS!!"

"Exactly!" Said The Professor. "That's because… Maybe I should have asked them more stuff huh?"

"Yeah! Yeah you should have!" Said Sir Kay.

"I know who did it though." Said the Professor triumphantly.

"…You do?… Dude! How?! What the-?!"

"I'll tell you when the right time comes around." Grinned The Professor. "A special psychological technique I read about in the TARDIS library. Some Timelord wrote about it."

"…Are you saying you learned mind reading?"

"All will be revealed eventually." Grinned The Professor. "In due time…"

Macable approached the two Timelords. "That," He said "Was the WORST detective work I have ever seen." He said. "What help will that give me?"

"Well-" Said The Professor.

"Professor Macable!"

A young man ran up to Macable. He was a medium build, with brown hair.

"Ah, Steven!" Said Macable. "What news do you have?"

"…Who is this?" Said Sir Kay bluntly.

"Ah! Of course!" Said Macable. "This is my personal aide, Steven Brunelle."

"…He wasn't in the… survey." Said The Professor, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, you're so-called interview… I completely trust Steven." Said Macable. "There is no need to interview him. He has been with me for years."

"…If you say so…" Said The Professor.

"So!" Said Macable. "Steven! What news have you?!"

"Something's been uncovered." Said Steven.

"What?! No one should be digging right now!" Said Macable.

"No one is!" Said Steven. "We must have been really close to the catacomb! The wind… it seemed to have uncovered it!"

Macable glowed. "AMAZING!" He yelled, making the Timelords jump. "The Book is just begging to be found! We must enter the catacombs at once!"

Come on! Come on!" He shouted to them as he began to run. "I must see this!"

The Professor and Sir Kay looked at each other, and dashed after him.


	6. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Catacomb

The Professor and Sir Kay followed Macable and Steven out the building, and through the snow towards the dig site. Around them was a flurry of activity as Macable's "Employees" prepared to head to the dig site as well. Macable, it seemed, had been transformed by the excitement, changing from an old man into a child in a candy shoppe.

"…Dude runs fast for an old guy." Sir Kay commented.

The foursome reached the dig site. It was, basically, a giant hole in the snow, ten feet in diameter, with ladders going down at least fifty feet before reaching the bottom of the hole. Large spotlights were trained into the hole, and there were gas heaters in and around the hole in the dig area.

Professor Macable hurried to one of the ladders, swung himself onto it, and began the descent. "Come Professor! Bring your aide with you! Come Steven! Let us see the catacomb!"

"…The whole aide thing is getting a little…" Said Sir Kay as he began to descend.

"…Interesting?"

"…I was gonna say annoying."

The Professor followed him down the ladder, tossing his briefcase down to the base of the hole. "Yeah." He agreed. "I wouldn't want to be in your position."

"…I know!" Said Sir Kay angrily. "It almost makes me want to show him what I really am! Does he treat his assistant that way?!"

"… Dunno… But that's not exactly what I meant." Said The Professor. "It seems to me that the rung you just stepped on has broken."

"…Wha-"

Sir Kay fell, some forty feet, to the ground, and landed with an unceremonious thud. At the same time, the ladder suddenly snapped… basically, ALL the rungs broke.

The Professor leapt, daringly, across the hole and grabbed the other ladder, which was on the opposite side of the hole. Steven mimicked this action, barely managing to grab hold of the rungs.

Suddenly, to The Professor's surprise, the second ladder made a loud crunching noise, and began to crumble, every rung, joint, and handhold, breaking apart like a giant icicle.

As The Professor fell, he saw Steven falling above him, desperately flailing his arms in an attempt to keep from falling… then…

He was caught by Sir Kay.

The taller, redhead of a Timelord had no trouble catching The Professor, but, like any other creature with two arms, could not catch Steven.

WHUMP

The Professor stood. "Thank you, Sir Kay." He said. "…Don't ever speak of this again."

Sir Kay grinned.

"Steven! Steven! Are you all right?"

Macable rushed to his assistant's side. To his surprise, Steven jumped straight up, not a scratch on him.

"I'm fine Professor, I'm fine." Said Steven, brushing the snow off his clothes. I'm not sure how… But I'm fine."

Macable patted him on the shoulder. "Such luck!" He said. "No one was hurt! That fall was potentially deadly, and no one was hurt! Thank goodness! No distractions when searching the catacombs then!"

Sir Kay raised an eyebrow, looking at the remains of the broken ladders. "… Two ladders breaking at the exact same time…" He counted on his fingers for a second. "… The chances of that are around the same as the chance of being struck by lightning… while being attacked by a great white shark…"

"So, I guess this wasn't an accident then?" Asked Macable.

The Professor scratched his head. "I'm afraid not…" He said. "It's possible… but improbable."

"…Who could have done this?" Asked Steven.

"Whoever the traitor is, he's serious!" Said Macable angrily. "I warned you Professor, but no! You made a joke out of it! Asking about favoring clams… This has become something you shouldn't have laughed at! What was Torchwood thinking? Sending an Idiot like you?! I-"

The Professor turned, silencing Macable. "Let me tell you something old man." He said. "That interview used the best psychological unintentional revelation techniques I know. Those questions were meaningless, because a meaningless question lets the guard down. Then, the truth is easy pickings in an unguarded subconscious. You think I'm taking this lightly? Why don't you get yourself checked out by a doctor. You're going senile."

"Woah." Said Steven. "You Torchwood guys are INTENSE."

"Fine." Said Macable, dismissing the subject. "Now, are we going to sit around and gab, or are we going to enter the catacomb?"

"Professor Macable, is that wise?" Asked Steven. "Maybe we should wait until we can get more men down here… for protection, you know?"

"Steven, use your head!" Snapped Macable. "Whoever did this is among my employees. Therefore, we cannot trust any of them. Now let's go! I don't want to waste another second!"

He marched over to the side of the hole, where, recently uncovered, was the corner of what appeared to be a piece of stone.

It took about ten minutes for the foursome to clear the stone from the ice. The stone turned out to be a stone door, with Latin runes engraved onto it's edges. There was no handle, but there was a rectangle carved into the middle of the door.

"It's a riddle." Said The Professor after reading the Latin runes. The runes appeared in English to him and Sir Kay, for their TARDIS translated everything for them.

"…The burnt orange sky

Where I wished to die

No longer exist

In my soul is a rift

The cities in glass

Alas, did not last…

Oh how I wish to again see one day.

My hearth, my home, my dear _____"

"… A beautiful riddle." Said Macable. "But what does it mean?"

"…I get it…" Said Sir Kay. " You write the end of the poem in the blank rectangle… thingy…"

"… Sounds reasonable." Said Steven. "But what's the end of the poem?"

A light of realization appeared in The Professor's eyes. "…I've heard of such a place." He said.

The other three looked at him. "… you have?" Asked Macable.

"Burnt orange skies… Silver leaves… Cities in glass…" The Professor said softly.

He pulled his Sonic Screwdriver from his pocket, and aimed it at the blank.

_BZZZZT _

The sonic waves dug into the stone, carving the words:

GALLIFREY

The door hissed loudly, then, slid open.

"…Beautiful!" Shouted Macable. "Outstanding! Marvelous!... But what is Gallifrey?"

The Professor sighed. "A paradise I've only read about…"

Macable already wasn't listening. He stared at the gaping hole of an entrance into the catacombs, the catacombs of The Book of Knowledge.

"After you." Sir Kay said sweetly to Macable.

The foursome came down a flight of stairs from the entrance to the catacomb. At the bottom, they stood in awe of what was ahead.

A labyrinth stretched out underground as far as the eye could see. Twisting, turning, with no exit visible.

"…We may be here for a while…" Said The Professor.

…THREE HOURS LATER _

"…We're going to be stuck here for ever!" Shouted Steven. "We've been going around in circles for GOD knows how long! AAAH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!-"

Sir Kay punched Steven in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground.

"Get a hold of yourself!" He said. "I know exactly where we are! And EXACTLY how to get out!"

"… You do?" The Professor whispered.

"…No. but we'll have no problems getting out of here." Replied Sir Kay, tapping his holstered Sonic Gun.

"…You know." Said Macable. "In legends, don't labyrinths usually have… oh, I always have a hard time telling these two apart… Centaurs?"

"No, no, no… no, no." Said The Professor. "I think you mean Minotaurs. Savage beasts that are half man half bull, right?"

"Yes, yes, of course." Said Macable. "I must say. I am very glad this labyrinth doesn't have a-"

With a large crash, a GIGANTIC Minotaur broke through the wall in front of the foursome. It towered at least five feet over them, with horns the length of small cars, and as thick as Sir Kay. It let loose a large, ear piercing bellow.

"…

…

…

RUN!!!" Yelled The Professor.


	7. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: … RUN!!

Professor Macable, Steven, Sir Kay, and The Professor bolted through the labyrinth, not paying any mind to where they were going, just so long as they got away from the giant Minotaur, which, at this very moment, was attempting to catch them and squash their heads.

"LEFT!" Shouted The Professor.

The foursome took a left.

"…RIGHT!" Shouted The Professor.

The foursome took a right, the Minotaur still hot on their heels.

"LEFT AGAIN!" Shouted The Professor.

Steven yanked a revolver from his belt. "Eat this!" He yelled, firing at the Minotaur.

The Minotaur batted the bullets away like flies, then resumed its chase.

"No good!" Yelled Sir Kay. He stopped and faced the Minotaur. "If you're gonna shoot a Minotaur, you need a bigger caliber!"

The Timelord's hand blurred towards his belt, gracefully yanking his Sonic Gun from its holster. The weapon blurred up into position, aiming right between the eyes of the Minotaur.

The Professor batted the Sonic Gun down. "…Don't!" He yelled.

"… What're you doing?!" It's gonna kill us!" Yelled Sir Kay.

"We can't kill it!" Shouted The Professor. "For all we know, it may be the last Minotaur in existence!"

At that exact moment, the possibly last Minotaur in existence shoved its giant fist into Sir Kay's stomach, sending him flying ten feet, right into Macable and Steven.

The Professor swung his briefcase at the Minotaur, with a velocity that would have broken bones. yet, the metal case merely bounced off the Minotaur's skull, making a resounding dinging noise.

The Professor paused. "… Skulls don't ding." He thought.

Seconds later, he found himself flying through the air, crashing into a wall, then crashing into the ground.

The Minotaur charged, aiming its horns at the group. One way or another, whether by impalement, or by being crushed, it was going to take this group of trespassers out with one fell swoop.

Or so it thought.

The Professor dove for his briefcase. In one fluid motion, he picked it up, aimed it at the Minotaur, and pressed a button concealed on the handle.

The sound of a thousand mosquitoes could be heard as a blue light shone from the front of the briefcase.

The Minotaur stopped its charge. No, it didn't stop, it _froze_. It remained frozen in place, head down, mouth open, balanced on one foot as the buzzing from the briefcase got louder and louder.

Then, all at once, the Minotaur fell apart.

Literally, it went to pieces. The arms fell off, the head fell off, etc, etc.

It collapsed to reveal, instead of innards, gears, flashing lights, motherboards and the like. The pieces of machinery crashed to the ground where they remained.

The Minotaur was defeated.

"…The Minotaur was a ROBOT?!" Said Steven, incredulously.

"…Why, exactly, didn't you let me shoot a robot?" Asked Sir Kay.

"I didn't realize it was a robot until I smacked it with the Sonic Briefcase." Said The Professor. "I don't care if the creature's real, legendary, or imaginary. Skulls don't _ding._"

"… Well, I'm glad you realized that." Said Macable. "Otherwise we would be dead men."

Sir Kay approached the pile of machinery. "This is pretty cool." He said. "This technology is way advanced. Whoever made this Minotaur wasn't from the Dark Ages, that's for sure."

"What are you saying?" Asked Steven. "A time traveler?"

"Not necessarily, but possible." Replied Sir Kay.

"Ahem! None of this is important right now!" Said Macable. "We need to figure out how to solve the problem at hand! Where is the exit to this labyrinth? We need to get to the book!"

"…You're a real shut-in, aren't you?" Said Sir Kay.

Suddenly, the ground began to shake. Slowly but surely the walls of the labyrinth sunk, revealing both the entrance, from whence they came, and the exit, far in the distance.

"… Does that answer your question?" Asked The Professor.


	8. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: The Four Puzzles

The foursome headed through the exit of the labyrinth and down a long, darkly lit hallway. When they emerged at the end, they were in a similarly lit room with a pedestal in its center. In front of the pedestal, on the floor was written, in Latin: PUZZLE ONE, SOLITAIRE.

"Puzzle one, solitaire." Macable read, scratching his head. "What does that mean?"

The Professor inspected the pedestal, only to find that on it was a circular grid of small, deep holes. In every one of those holes, save for the center hole, was a stone peg.

Sir Kay laughed. "Is that what I think it is?"

The Professor nodded. "Yup… it's a giant game of solitaire."

"…Solitaire?" Asked Macable.

"…Really? You've never heard of it?" Asked Sir Kay.

"Solitaire is a game where you jump the pegs over each other." Explained The Professor. "Every time one peg jumps another, the one being jumped is removed. You keep at it until you have one peg left…"

"The only problem is how hard it is to GET one peg left." Said Steven.

Sir Kay began moving pegs as he spoke. "It's not too difficult really." He said. "All you have to do is look a couple moves ahead, you know, see where this move will take you. Do it right, and…"

He removed the last peg, leaving only one.

"Done." He smirked.

"…Showoff." The Professor muttered.

Before Sir Kay could reply, a door slid noiselessly open, revealing another room beyond. In this room, there was another pedestal, and on this pedestal was a picture. In front of the pedestal, on the floor was engraved: PUZZLE TWO: SQUARE OFF

As the foursome approached, they could make out what the picture was. It was a picture of a blue box, floating among the stars. However, just as they made out what the picture was, it scrambled into small squares.

"Oh… This is one of those puzzles." Said The Professor. "There's one space open, and you have to unscramble the picture inside the frame… What do they call those?"

"No idea." Said Steven. "Looks like it's timed though."

He pointed to an hourglass, which had already begun to pour sand.

"Hmmm… Looks like we have a minute." Remarked The Professor.

"No problem!" Said Sir Kay, grinning. "This puzzle is pretty similar to the last, actually. You just have to look a few moves ahead, and…"

He stepped back, the puzzle finished.

A door quietly slid open.

"…This picture looks familiar, doesn't it Kay?" Said The Professor.

"Yeah, isn't that…"

"No time to…puzzle over it." Said The Professor. "Macable and Steven have already moved ahead."

The two Timelords headed into the next room. There, Macable and Steven were already looking at the odd contraption on the pedestal in the middle of the room. In front of the pedestal, like the others, engraved on the floor were the words: PUZZLE THREE: TWENTY QUESTIONS.

"You're kidding, right?" Said Sir Kay.

The contraption on the pedestal was a rectangular box, with the words, in Latin, YES, NO, SOMETIMES, ANIMAL, VEGETABLE, MINERAL, and UNKNOWN engraved on it.

"Hmmm… I guess we just ask it something." Said The Professor.

"Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral?" Said Steven.

The animal engraving lit up.

A set of roman numerals next to the contraption moved, changing from the number twenty to the number nineteen.

"Careful!" Said Macable. "We need to use our questions wisely."

Sir Kay folded his arms. "Leave it to me." He said. "I was always good with this game."

He stepped forward. "Alright, is it bigger than a breadbox?"

YES

"Is it edible?"

No

"Is it a tool?"

YES…

And so on and so forth… until… sixteen questions later…

Sir Kay paused, thinking hard.

"Is it a… Sonic Screwdriver?"

YES

The door slid open.

"Amazing!" Said Macable.

"…I'm beginning to think that's your favorite word." Said The Professor.

"How did you even know what a Sonic Screwdriver was?" Asked Macable.

"Simple." Said Sir Kay. "I merely deduced it off of the questions I asked. A tool that isn't from this planet… emits sonic waves… I've… run into such a tool a few times…"

The foursome entered the final room. As soon as they entered, a large hourglass began pouring sand. They hurried to the pedestal. The engraving on the floor read: FINAL PUZZLE: THE CUBE OF XIBUR.

"The Cube of Xibur?" Said Sir Kay. "Never heard of it."

The Professor quickly inspected the cube-like object on the pedestal. He laughed. "Think about it." He said to Sir Kay. "What's Xibur spelled backwards?"

"…Rubix… Oh come on!"

"Exactly… What are you waiting for?" Said The Professor. "Aren't you gonna show off… I mean, solve this puzzle like the others? We've only got forty-five, forty-four, forty-three… oh you get it! We're running out of time!"

"Well, it's just…" Sir Kay spluttered. "…I've never been good with Rubix Cubes."

The Professor rolled his eyes.

Ten seconds later, the cube was placed on the pedestal, solved.

The final door slid open noiselessly. The foursome went through the door, headed for the final chamber. After a couple minutes of silent anticipation, they reached it… the book.

It was… enormous. The biggest book any of them had ever seen. It lay, shut tight, on a table made of stone. It looked old, the paper was yellowed, and yet… it had a certain air of… power about it.

Macable approached the book. "At last." He said, eyes transfixed on the book. "At last."

The Professor and Sir Kay stood back, watching Professor Macable quietly stroke the book.

"…Sir Kay…" Said The Professor. "Remember when I told you I would tell you who the traitor was in good time?

"…Yeah?... What, you mean now?"

"…Well, … It's good time."


	9. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: The Shadow Proclamation

Sir Kay spun around, hand blurring to his holstered Sonic Gun-

BLAM

Steven staggered backwards, dropping his revolver. The revolver turned to dust before it even hit the ground.

"The next one goes through your heart." Snarled Sir Kay. "… Assuming your heart is where a human's heart is…"

Steven sneered. "Don't try anything stupid." He said. "Do you think, just because you destroyed my crude earth weapon I am defenseless? Think again, human!"

"Steven… STEVEN! What are you doing?!" Yelled Macable.

"I'm sorry to say this sir, but when I was checking your employees, I found them ALL innocent." Said The Professor. "Ergo, the traitor wasn't in the interview, ERGO, the traitor was Steven, the only person not in the interview besides you, Sir Kay, and myself. Now I know what you're thinking, "How do you know that there wasn't someone else who wasn't in the interview, Professor?" Well I'll tell you. When Sir Kay fell some forty feet when the ladders broke, I expected him to not be hurt. But Steven, he should have at least broken a rib or two… ERGO… again, Steven, is not human… oh, and he broke the ladders as well."

"You don't get it, do you?! Think about it!" Said Steven. "This book is a danger! The Shadow Proclamation has ordered me to destroy it no matter the circumstances. Don't you see Macable? That man who gave you the final bit of information you needed for this expedition… He wanted the book for himself! He wanted you to find it for him… for his kind! For his SPECIES."

"…How can I trust you?!" Yelled Macable. "You were my closest aide, Steven! You were my FRIEND. You betrayed me!" He pulled his pistol and aimed it at Steven. "Traitor!"

"Listen to me!" Said Steven. "I am the good guy here! I'm trying to HELP you!"

"I'm not listening to another word, traitor!" Said Macable.

"Professor! Don't!" Yelled The Professor.

Steven slapped his wristwatch before Macable could fire. Beams of light, that could only be teleportation beams, appeared in front of Steven. Ten tall, broad shouldered creatures in thick black armor stood in front of him. They all wore helmets, save the one in front. His was off, revealing a rhino's snarling face underneath.

"…Judoon." Said The Professor.

The Head Judoon raised his large, chunky space gun towards the threesome. "Kill all who resist." He ordered the other Judoon, who also raised their guns.

"I'm sorry." Said Steven. "You left me no choice."

The Judoon advanced, pushing The Professor, Sir Kay, And Macable back towards the Book of Knowledge.

"Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!" Said The Professor nervously. "Let's talk about this, alright? C'mon! Can't we talk about this!"

The Judoon ignored him and continued advancing."

"You will never take the book!" Said Macable, pointing his pistol at the Judoon. He fired a couple of shots, but the bullets bounced harmlessly off the thick armor they wore.

"…Any ideas Professor?!" Said Sir Kay.

"…Yeah… YEAH!" Yelled The Professor. "Sir Kay! Introduce these Judoon to Lightning Wheeler!"

No one is quite sure what happened next.

No one that is, except Sir Kay.

He moved faster than the eye could follow. He moved so fast, it was… _inhuman_. His hand, no his entire arm blurred in a fashion so unbelievable… it would be impossible to describe on paper.

That suited Kay just fine.

BLAM BLAMBLAMBLAM BLAMBLAMBLAM BLAMBLAMBLAM!

Ten Judoon space guns turned into dust.

Sir Kay stood, sweat dripping from his brow. He spun his Sonic Gun in his hand, then deftly holstered it.

"Don't let me catch you varmints in this part of town again." He said, raising an eyebrow.

While this was happening, The Professor launched himself at the head Judoon, catching the large creature by surprise. He hung from its arm while the Judoon swung its arm violently, trying to shake him off. Not soon enough, as The Professor stuck his Sonic Screwdriver to the Judoon's arm and pressed the button.

_BZZZZT_

The Judoon all suddenly disappeared, leaving The Professor hanging onto… thin air.

WHUMP.

Steven stepped back, shocked to find himself suddenly without a weapon… or backup.

The Professor stood, then, casually walked up to Steven, looking him straight in the eye. "You know, so many people in such a small area." He began. "Makes me uncomfortable, you know? I just reversed and locked the teleportation signal… more elbow room for a little Q and A… easier to think when you're not face-to-face with a bunch of rhinos with space guns… Following me so far?"

Steven nodded, eyes wide.

"Right… So… What's the Shadow Proclamation?" Asked The Professor.

"…You could call it… galactic law enforcement." Said Steven. "But in reality, it's much more than that…"

"Let's keep it simple for now." Said Sir Kay. "You're the Space Police?"

Steven nodded.

"And why," Said The Professor. "Would you attempt to take the book by force? You could have just told us."

"I can't confiscate the book if I'm dead." Said Steven.

The Professor turned to Macable, who was attempting to open the book. "Hey!" He Said.

Macable jumped.

"You could have listened a little longer back there." Said The Professor. "He was unarmed and everything… Back away from the book!"

Macable turned, furious. "And who are you to be telling me what to do?!" He said. "I have been searching for this book for TEN YEARS! You will not deny me a look inside! I would face a hundred… Jubeen, or WHATEVER you called them!" He turned to Steven. "My life's work! This is it! You know this, and you wish to CONFISCATE IT?! I don't think so!"

"I can see why you would want him at gunpoint." Sir Kay Said to Steven.

"Don't you get it? You CAN'T look in the book!" Said Steven. "That book must never be opened! It would make any one entity too powerful! It would destroy the universe as we know it! My orders weren't to destroy it! Just to make sure it was never opened! What better way to do that than to take it to a maximum security cell on Voragnock and lock it away forever?!"

"…Wait, wait…" Said The Professor.

He looked at Steven. "You need to make sure the book is never opened."

Steven nodded.

He turned to Macable. "You want your life's work to be seen… right?"

"Among other things." Said Macable, still simmering.

The Professor looked at Sir Kay, who reached into his pocket, and pulled out a cell phone. He dialed a number, then waited…

A grating noise could be heard. A shack appeared in the room, fading in slowly.

The Professor walked up to the door of the shack, unlocked it, and entered.

A few minutes later, he reemerged with an odd object in his hands. It resembled a doorknob on a long, leather strap. He headed to the book with this strange invention, and placed it on the book. He pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver, and, after a couple passes with the device, he had secured the doorknob-like invention onto the book.

"There." He said. "The book now has a lock on it. It's a deadlock, so nothing short of destroying the book will get it off."

"What if I just cut the leather?" Said Macable.

"Not a good idea… That's actually not leather. It's shock-absorbent self-healing compound. Practically indestructible. The way this lock is secured on the book also should make it impossible to cut the lock off."

"So Macable can have the book, but he can never open it?" Said Sir Kay.

"How will I prove it's the real thing?" Asked Macable.

"Use that… Carbon Dating you scientist believe so much in." The Professor said nonchalantly. "They'll believe you. Even if they don't believe in its supposed "Supernatural" qualities, they'll believe you found it underneath the Arctic."

"…What will I tell Torchwood?"

Sir Kay stepped in. "Tell them that some aliens stepped in and… "closed the book" on this one. You might want to mention the whole "Deadlock seal" part as well."

"Aliens?" Said Steven. "Wait, don't tell me you two-"

"Well! I believe it's time for us to go!" Interrupted The Professor. "I don't know about you, but I like deus ex machina* endings the most. How about you, Sir Kay?"

"Yup. Those are good for me." Said Sir Kay, grinning.

The two Timelords bolted for the shack and sprinted through the door. A grating noise could be heard, As The Professor and The Knight's TARDIS disappeared into the Time Vortex, leaving Steven and Macable standing, stunned, in the room with The Book of Knowledge.

*Deus ex machina- Unlikely ending. Derived from old play endings where a god would appear and set the entire story straight.


	10. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: Merlin is-

"…Will they be all right?" Sir Kay wondered.

"Oh, I would imagine so." Said The Professor as he fiddled with the controls on the TARDIS. "The book can't be opened so Steven… and the Shadow Proclamation… should be satisfied. Professor Macable gets to show his amazing artifact to the world… Should work out."

"…Hmmm… if they carbon-date the book, won't your lock show up as newer than the book?"

The Professor raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Kay. Carbon dating is easily fooled. I took the necessary precautions."

Sir Kay sat back. "Alright…" he said. "I guess we don't need to worry about it. That whole expedition thing was getting boring anyways."

"Exactly!" The Professor grinned. "We need plenty of excitement for our young minds!"

"Not that facing heavily armed rhinos isn't exciting." Sir Kay grinned back.

"One last thought though…" Said The Professor. "The riddle on the door to the catacomb spoke of Gallifrey…"

"The Timelord's home planet." Sir Kay mentioned.

"Yeah… That one puzzle made a picture of…"

"A blue box…"

"The answer to the twenty questions…"

"Sonic screwdriver."

The two Timelords looked at each other.

"Simple conclusion." Said The Professor as he set the TARDIS destination setting to random. "We can be certain that The Doctor probably had something to do with hiding the book…"

"Yeah." Sir Kay finished. "Either that, or Merlin is-"

The Professor flipped the final switch, sending the TARDIS spinning through the vortex towards some unknown destination.


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue

Professor Nicholas Macable sat in his favorite chair, in his study, back home after the whole ordeal of finding the Book of Knowledge. Steven had disappeared, and even though Macable told himself that his aide was a traitor, he still couldn't help but miss him.

He had just gotten out of a taxi, and had headed to his apartment. It had felt good to be home…

As soon as he entered, the phone rang.

He had answered it, thinking it an odd, rather ironic thing that the phone would ring the second he stepped foot in his home.

The voice on the other end was smooth… like a peaceful stream…

"I thought you told me to call you." Macable had said. "How do you know my number?"

"I know many things." Came the reply. "I know that time is running short… the… people I represent grow impatient… I have mailed you everything that is known about the artifact my clients seek… it is time for you to uphold your end of our bargain, Professor Macable."

The man had hung up, leaving Macable numbly holding the phone on the other line, not sure what to think.

Before he even hung up the phone, a large, brown envelope had slid under his door. When he looked out to see who had delivered it, no one was there.

So now he sat, in his favorite chair, reading the name of the artifact he was supposed to find…

THOR'S HAMMER


End file.
